I am in such a funk. I really don't know what's going on, but I've been exhausted lately. I think most people would say it's because I have an infant & a toddler, but I really don't think it's that. I don't remember it being nearly this bad just after Scarlett was born. I think a lot of it has to do with how much David is working lately. He has some projects that he's working on that he'll have to do ongoing reports / updates for, so he's taking a long time now to prepare the data so that it will be easier to retrieve & update next time. That makes sense to me, but it's driving me crazy. He is at least coming home at a decent time most nights & working from home after we put Matthew to bed, but still...I get annoyed seeing him with the laptop night after night. Maybe he should marry it. Yeah, I know, that's a totally childish remark, but I feel like actually saying that out loud to him. Instead I'm trying to be the supportive wife.
I can probably also blame part of it on the stress of being unemployed, but I don't think that's bothering me nearly as much as it should be. David & I are still working on a budget, to make sure that I can be a stay at home mom. So until we figure that out, I am only skimming job postings, just to see what's out there. And what I see isn't much. There really isn't much that fits my qualifications that doesn't require travel, especially that is only part time. I don't want to work FT, and fortunately David feels pretty strongly that I shouldn't work FT too. So for now Matthew & Scarlett are still going to daycare 3 days/week. So I'm a SAHM / housewife for now...I could understand being tired if the children were home every day, but when I am here alone 3 days/week, I just shouldn't be so tired.
If every day was like today, I would understand. When it came time to put Matthew down for his nap, he said "NO, mommy" and pointed his finger at me! I put him down anyway, and not 5 minutes later I heard him up. I went upstairs to put him back in bed, and he did this little penguin-like run across his room to get away from me, all the time saying "NO NAP mommy." It was cute but I'm too tired for that. I put him back down, and not 5 minutes later, yep, you got it...up again. This time he had a messy diaper though, so I changed him & put him back down. 5 minutes later...yep! I think he's finally asleep though. I told him the last time "You don't want to make me come back up here." Empty threats, because really, what can you do to a 2 year old who refuses to take a nap?
Seriously, any ideas?
So today I definitely question if I want to be a SAHM! I am not sure I can do this every day. I am not sure I have the patience to do this day in, day out. I love my children more than anything, but I think I might be a better mommy if I have time away from them. That feels terrible to admit. I don't know...we'll keep praying & eventually do that budget so we know what our options are.
Monday, January 14, 2008
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5 comments:
I can completely sympathize. We have a boy (2 years old on Saturday!) and a second is due mid-March.
I love being able to be home, and I don't like the idea of any other care options, except the occasional help of my parents. BUT! If I don't have some stuff going on the side, and if I don't get OUT once a day, life gets this sort of gray cloud effect going and I'm grumpy and don't like my own company much at all.
I haven't read much of your blog yet, so you may already be doing all this, but here are a couple of things that save me and my ability to be a parent: other young mom friends who will meet me for a walk at the mall (we live in a rainy area) most any afternoon, a MOPs group, another women's social group my friend has over to her house once a month after the kids are in bed with Dad at home, a job I can go to on some weekends and occasional evenings which I prepare for while my kid plays. (I'm a freelance musician and also teach from home.)
If I don't feel I'm working toward SOME kind of goals in my own life, I get nuts very quickly.
You aren't alone! If Calgon really works, I'm buying stock... if I can only find a coupon for it somewhere...
We have all been there. There are days when I need a break from my kids too, and yes those are the days when Justin is working longer hours. Sometimes I too feel that I would be better if I had a break from them, so I make myself get breaks from them. They have quiet time/nap tme everyday together from roughly 12-3. If they wake up they play quietly in their cribs (I give them books and stuff). I HAVE to do this so that I can have my me time. Also there are days that as soon as Justin walks in I am out the door just having some time. Even 5 minutes helps me. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone and that you also need to take care of you. But also remember that to Matthew and Scarlett no one is better than mommy!
teehee. okay, the calgon take me away. ahhhh. cracked me up.
I would simply keep doing what you are doing. Get him to understand that he won't be running around during naptime. Even if he just lays there for an hour, that's what he'll do. I've gone through periods like this with both kids (good lord, allison is really almost 2 1/2?) and I just keep putting them BACK in bed. They eventually give in and at least lay there. most often than not, they sleep.
I love my kids more than life, but if I were to be a SAHM I would be nuts. I think its okay to admit that and I am not ashammed that I work because I want to not because I have to. But I think if the decision to stay home is the one you make you need to make sure you have built in you time to relax and unwind.
you are funny. i read your blog all the time!
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