I have a few message boards that I love. At different times of my life I've used different message boards...depending on the purpose of the board and the stage of my life. Now I have a few places I hang out and one of them is a group mainly used by cloth diapering moms. I have gotten a TON of help there with knitting info, so it is a great resource to me, and when a newbie has a question I can answer, I try to offer support, advice, whatever. Well this weekend a post really got my blood boiling. A member asked for support because she didn't want to talk to friends/family yet, and she had found herself in a surprise pregnancy. Most of the responses were very encouraging and supportive, but this one chick...oh man. She pissed me off. She started her response with a "I'm really not sure what to say --- I can't say I feel for you, because to be honest, my husband and I have been trying hard for the last two years to be pregnant with our first" and ended with "btw, there are no unplanned pregnancies ---- or do we need to talk birds and bees???"
I immediately felt so angry and defensive, on the original poster's behalf, that I replied to this message. I was really angry because instead of clicking away, she took the time to sit down and give a really shitty, completely unsupportive response. Of course my response was not very nice, I included "HOW DARE YOU?" and "think before you speak next time! And if you're starting with "I'm really not sure what to say" - then maybe you shouldn't say anything at all!"
I was furious. I think my remarks to this woman were taken pretty badly by some, as they were quick to jump on me about it, but really...why is she even on this message board? I have friends (both in real life and online) who have struggled with infertility. I would like to think I'm a fairly compassionate person, and usually would offer this woman my prayers and support...but not after that message. I mean, I get that people dealing with infertility have good days and bad days, and that on a bad day it would be devastating to read about an unplanned pregnancy, but ya know...on those days wouldn't you be smart enough to avoid a message board where babies are CELEBRATED because that's another tush to cloth diaper?
Later this chick responded to a comment about how birth control sometimes fails with "you plan for pregnancy every time you have SnuggliEXtreme" so the bitch in me totally wants to respond with "Are you just a prude? Maybe if you could type 'sex' instead of coming up with a cutesy way to say what you mean you would get pregnant!" But I won't...because that's just plain mean. But I had to vent about this chick somewhere. As I type this I realize I'm being petty but it really really irked me how she jumped on the original poster who was just looking for support. So now whatever she says I will make fun of her :)
2 comments:
It does seem odd that a person who has not conceived yet would be hanging out in a cloth diapering community already.
It can be hard to strike a balance of support - both for those who struggle to conceive and others who find themselves pregnant when they didn't intend to be. That said, most would likely assume they could be open about such things on a board where they expect the posters have babies and toddlers at home.
Ah the drama of online communities....I'm sad to admit, I miss that entertainment sometimes. ;)
What kind of message/question was this unplanned pregnancy chick writing? Because I probably have been one of these people who said something like the girl who pissed you off said. I hate to admit it, but when you are the one dealing with years of infertility and have nothing to show for it, well, it's a stab to the heart and a slap in the face when someone posts about an unplanned/surprise pregnancy.
It totally depends ~what~ she was asking though. If she was acting anything but grateful for even being pregnant, planned or not, I would probably say the same thing. I know, you'd hate me for it and yell at me, but fuck, it's HARD.
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