thoughts on parenting

My mom is coming to visit. She arrives tomorrow and will be here almost 2 weeks. I'm really excited about her visit. It's so nice to have family coming and not dread it. When my mother-in-law is visiting I approach those visits with so much dread. There have been a lot of things happen in the past that I struggle to move past, and it seems that every time I think I've gotten over it all, she does something else to make me dislike her again. Maybe the problem is me...

Anyway, my mom and I were talking last night and I mentioned some of the latest goings on with my MIL. I explained that what bothers me the most is the hurt it causes David, and the potential that when Matthew & Scarlett are old enough to understand, she will hurt them too. I told my mom I would not tolerate this kind of behavior when my children are old enough to understand. I will tell MIL a head full if that ever happens. She knows I will stand up to her because I have in the past. It is just amazing to me that David could be the person he is with her as a mom.

My mom commented during the discussion that she hopes she & my dad never cause the kind of drama that my MIL causes. I assured her that they have not ever nor do I think they ever would. Both of them seem to respect David & me as adults, and not treat us like children. My MIL got very angry when Matthew was born that *she* was not present for his orthopedic consult for clubfoot. She actually commented that she couldn't believe we scheduled it for after she was leaving. I know that she was concerned about his feet, we all were, but for her to act like she was the only one capable of meeting with the doctor really got to me. I know that it aggravated my mom too because we've talked about it. Last night my mom said that they never want to undermine us as parents and that they respect our decisions and are confident in us as parents. It suddenly hit me that they are confident in me as a parent because they were good parents. I said so to my mom...I told her that she can have confidence in me because she knows that I had a good example of parents when I was growing up. She then went into how they weren't perfect parents, but they did the best they could. I told her that I couldn't have had a more perfect set of parents...that yeah, I would agree they weren't perfect, but I don't think there is any such thing. We all mess up. But we also try to build on what we learn from our parents, the things they do "right" and the things they do "wrong" - without having a good example, I don't think I would be a good mom. And I'm not saying I am a good mom, I'm just saying that my mom thinks I am, and that is pretty darn important to me. And I don't think she could have that confidence in me without some confidence in herself.

Basically, I realized last night that maybe my MIL wants to be a control freak when it comes to our children because she knows she wasn't the best parent she could have been for her own children. Maybe it is a lack of self confidence that has her being such a witch to us. Maybe it's some form of jealousy that she sees we are capable of being good parents. I am being hard on her, but I also think she must have been a good mom. Again, not perfect, but David turned out pretty darn good...and she deserves some credit for that. So she needs to step up and realize that she raised a great son, and she needs to have faith in him that he will be a great parent. Is that too much to ask?