so tired

I have been holding back frustration lately, or trying to anyway. David has been putting in really long hours at work and it is getting so hard - I am finding a whole new appreciation for single parents. We are blessed with 2 really good children - so far they are both pretty laid back and easy going. But the past couple of weeks David has not been home in time to help at supper and bedtime every night. I can handle it on my own but when I'm so used to him being there so we can split the duties it is hard not having him. It's also easier when I know in advance and can mentally prepare. Lately I've been finding out at 5:30 that he wouldn't be home "on time" and finding out in the middle of cooking supper just stresses me out.

When he has come home in time for supper, he has gotten on the computer as soon as both children were in bed and worked late into the night (or early into the morning). In our 10 years married we have maybe not gone to bed at the same time 10-15 times when we were both home. It has been a time that no matter what was going on, we had an opportunity to talk and reconnect. In the past 2 weeks he has stayed up so late working that I've gone to bed 3-4 times without him. On top of missing out on that reconnect time, he's so busy with work even when he is home that I am missing out entirely. I get so little adult interaction that I really depend on spending my evenings with him and lately I haven't had that.

Last night was the icing on the cake though - he told me yesterday at lunch he would be working late, but didn't think it would be too late. The hours wore on, and that wouldn't be such an issue, if it weren't for the fact that I have a really hard time going to sleep in our bed without him there, and I could not sleep. It didn't matter how long I tried, sleep would not come. To make my long whiny complaint a little shorter, he finally came home at 5:15 this morning! So here I am, starting my work day with no sleep, well unless I count the 10 minutes I dozed while Scarlett was nursing.

Oh yeah, she went to bed around 8:45 last night - I didn't hear a peep out of her all night - I had to wake her up at 6:45 this morning to get her ready for daycare! Ah, progress!!

I just really miss David - even when he's home he's not here, and these long nights are getting to be too hard. I need him. I need him in so many ways...I need him to give Matthew a bath, or to play with Scarlett while I clean up after supper, or to sit on the couch and watch tv with me, and to kiss me goodnight. He promises the long hours will end soon, I pray he's right. I'm ready to have him back! Meanwhile, I'm trying to be supportive and not nag him, but each day it gets harder. I know it's hard on him too.