a little venting, a little idol

I'm just gonna do the Idol part first because that's the easy part. I think it's time for Danny to go. I like him, I really do, but he's been around long enough. Kris was AMAZING last night - to me he was better than Adam, last night. Funny how things change - I was ready for him to go home 2 months ago. He has shown so much improvement through the course of the season, and I don't think Danny has. Not that it's about improving, it's about talent, but let's face it, all 3 of these guys can be successful recording artists. I just think Kris & Adam are the top 2 at this point.

David & I are geeks and we keep a spreadsheet where we give each Idol a 1-10 each week. Not ranking, just rating. Kris had some making up to do, since I really didn't like him early on, but last night he took the lead over Danny. Adam still leads the pack though, easily. Tonight's show will have me on the edge of my seat.

Now for the venting. I don't care if you're a working mom or a stay at home mom, but I hate it when you get defensive about your choice. I have one friend who works and I honestly think she is incredibly guilt ridden about it. She is constantly making comments that put down stay at home moms like "I want to show my daughter she can have it all." It could be my own guilt but these remarks always strike a chord with me, like she's judging me for not working. I really do not care what choice an individual makes, as long as that person tries to do what is best for their child and family. I know moms who work because they have to financially, I know moms who work because they can't imagine staying home, I know moms who have creatively figured out ways to work from home to bring in the extra money their family needs. These choices are all fine. I know moms who would love to stay home but can't for whatever reason, and I feel badly for those moms, but I admire them for doing what they have to do. I know stay at home moms who love it. Great.

I'm often not one of them. Maybe that's my real problem with this friend - I no longer feel like I am "doing it all", as she seems to think she is. Really I think it's her tone. I feel terrible saying it, but there are days I really wish I wasn't staying home with the kids. I had it GREAT when I was working. I often said (and still believe) that I had the best of both worlds. I worked part time, arranging my hours so that I worked 3 days/week and had the kids home with me the other 2 days. I *loved* it. I also loved that I worked from home, so I didn't have to stress about the logistics of getting me & them ready for the day. I could start my day in my jammies if I needed to. I loved that my hours allowed me time to go to the gym while they were at daycare. I loved our daycare, and hated taking Matthew out when I lost my contract. I felt there were things he got there that he would not get at home. Unfortunately, in this economy and especially where we live (do you know unemployment in Detroit is 24%?!?!) there aren't part time jobs out there that would pay enough to cover my daycare costs. Sure, I could find some in home daycare (and don't get me wrong, I think some of those are wonderful) that would be cheaper than our other daycare, but I wouldn't. If I'm sending them to daycare I want them to be in the one they were in. I would need to earn $20/hour to just pay for daycare, not including any other costs. Not gonna happen.

If this move happens then maybe I will have that option - to work part time and be with the kids part time, but for now I'll continue to stay home with the kiddos & make the best of it. When they reach school age then I'll figure out what I really want to do and pursue that. I won't return to the field I was in because I still won't travel like I was. Hopefully in the next few months we'll come to a decision about our move and I won't need to think about it.

Until then, I'll continue to be annoyed when this friend makes remarks, even if that isn't her intent. I'll roll my eyes and assume she's just trying to allay her own guilt. I'll wonder if I'm not showing Scarlett the best possible example. And then I'll remind myself that as long as I am the best mommy I can be, I don't need to worry about Scarlett or Matthew - they'll be just fine!