I am a runner

I've shared in the past that I don't feel comfortable calling myself a runner. Take that away from me, and all of a sudden I can say it. I am a runner. As much as my shin hurts, it has been so painful to watch people run by my house, to see them on the treadmill at the gym, and to know I can't join them right now. The pain has gotten a lot better, better enough that I am sure if I wanted to push through & run a few miles, I could do it. At what cost...I don't know. I can't/won't risk further injury, not as this stage of training, and not as miserable as I've been just taking a few days off. But this misery I feel at not being able to get out there & do what I've discovered I love doing...this misery makes me confident that I am a runner. I'm no longer someone who is running to get in better shape or because I think it would be cool to run a marathon. I'm running because it's part of who I am, part of who I have become. I may not run any much faster than I did when I said I couldn't call myself a runner, but something has changed in me, and I am a runner!!!

Weight loss...still not even close to where I want to be, but the number is moving in the right direction. I feel good, and I need to take measurements...I'm sure my calves are smaller because my tall boots zip up a lot easier than they did just a few weeks ago! :) Unfortunately I lost a lot of data on the pc & the spreadsheet where I tracked everything is nowhere to be found on my backup drive.

Kiddos...they are doing great. Matthew loves school, and they both love swimming. This session I skipped mommy & me because Scarlett's teacher said she could move up. I wasn't sure how she would do in the pool without me but she seems to cooperate. She did tell me on the way to class "I not swim without you. I want you in the pool too." Sweet thing. Matthew is more & more independent and seems pretty darn smart too. He actually looked at the clock the other day & said "it's seven thirty three." HUH? I looked & it was! How did he know that?!?!

not ready to conquer the world after all

You ever do something that you thought you couldn't do, and when you do that thing, you just feel like you could conquer anything that gets thrown your way? Last night I felt that. I've been doing gobs of research and finally decided that I should add some speedwork to my running. I run a 10k at the same pace I run 10 miles, and that's not normal. Last night was my first speedwork session. It called for me to warm up, then run 1 mile at a much faster pace than I'm used to, then jog for 1/2 mile, repeat the run & jog, then cool down. I was really negative heading out the door...I can't do this, no way can I run that fast (and let me just add "that fast" was not FAST by any stretch, but I'm SLOW), I'm crazy to try this, etc.

But I did it! I ran those 2 miles at the speed I was supposed to run them, and didn't even feel exhausted when they were over. I put in a total of 5 miles and I felt like I could take on the world. Just because I did something I didn't think I could do. I rocked.

Or so I thought. Fast forward to this afternoon, and when I stood up a little while ago I felt like my left leg was going to crumple. Holy moly shin splints. Those darn things hurt. I've had them before but I don't remember them ever hurting this bad. It actually has me scared. Scared that I'm pushing too hard, scared that I'm overdoing, but most of all, scared that I'm not gonna be ready for this marathon.

Before I conquer the world, maybe I need some smaller goals.

• First, conquer these shin splints....figure out if it was running fast that caused them, or maybe it's time for a new pair of shoes? Keep better records of my mileage so I know how many miles I've got on them.
  
• Second, finish the marathon. Don't worry about the time. That can be a goal for my next marathon. (Yes, I said next.)
  
• Third, conquer the world! :)

playdate update

Matthew's playdate was this morning. He got up this morning & came to our room asking "Is today the day I go to Abby's?" I said "yes" and he wanted to get dressed immediately. Patience my dear. When we arrived Abby was waiting at the door so I got Matthew out of the car & he rushed to the door. Her mom said Abby has asked every day since Thursday "Is Matthew coming over today?" She said Abby hasn't been interested in playdates at all, but she's been very excited about Matthew coming over. Super cute!

I thought things went well. The only conflict was the girl's older brother not wanting to share trains. Rather, he & Matthew both wanted the same train car, it wasn't that he minded sharing, he just didn't want to share that one. Which meant Matthew didn't want to give it up, and the boy's mom had the "he's the guest" attitude about it, which was ok with me, but I didn't want him to be upset. So I negotiated with Matthew & got him to give that train to the big brother. Crisis averted. The children were super well behaved, and they had an awesome playroom. Makes me wish our basement was finished so we could make a nice playroom down there instead of combining it with our family room.

When it was time to leave, neither of my kids wanted to come home. They both were pretty disobediant about getting shoes & coats on, and then Scarlett ran away down the sidewalk once we headed to the car. I gave them a stern talking-to about that behavior. :) Hopefully we can have Abby over soon to play.

playdates and tears

When we pick the children up at school we go in the building & the teacher comes out in the hall to tell us about their day. Then she calls the children out one by one to keep things calm. This morning the little girl with the puppy was ahead of Matthew. Abby ran out & asked her mom if Matthew could come home with her. She was very excited and jumping around. Her mom looked at me and told her we would talk about it and schedule something. When I got to the door for Matthew, he was sitting in the circle crying. Poor little guy...his teacher didn't know what was wrong, she said he had a great day. Hmmmm. She went & got him and when he got to me he said "but I want to go home with her" and pointed at Abby. I told him I would talk to her mom and we would plan something. He wanted to go NOW though. We decided to get together next Tuesday because they don't have schoool.

I felt so bad that he was crying but I couldn't make him understand we would do it another day. He usually understands things like that, so maybe he understood & just didn't like it. The teacher's assistant came out of the room as I was calming him down & said he & Abby thought SHE was arranging their play date, and she told them to ask their moms. That's why he was crying in the room. She said they play together all the time, and Abby's mom said she talks about Matthew all the time. (Matthew plays with her but he told me he didn't know her name. Oops!)

Unrelated...they are doing great in their new swimming classes. I wasn't sure if Scarlett would listen/cooperate but the teacher said she's doing fine. Matthew is swimming around under the water and learning to kick & paddle "the right way". Now that I don't have to get in the water, I should be able to get some good pictures and video.

Another nice thing about them going in the water without me is that I can squeeze in a workout while they are in class. I checked with the lifeguard in charge and she said it is fine for me to leave the pool area as long as they know where I'll be. That will save some time for me later in the day! :)

another baby update

Just found out they are on their way home.

Crazy how last night it was "she needs to gain weight" and today it's "she is going home", huh?

I'm glad. As sad as this situation is, at least they can enjoy their little one at home instead of in the hospital.

update

I've been a really bad blogger lately. I just don't feel like there's much going on here. Sigh. I'm losing weight, slowly, but it's coming off. I haven't taken measurements in a few months - I don't like to do that too often because it seems like even when I'm losing weight I don't see much change.

I've started adding some weights to my gym routine. I talked with my boot camp teacher about my marathon training & she helped me come up with a strength training routine that will fit in with & complement my other activities. I asked her because there are thousands of recommendations out there, online & in books, and I want to keep doing boot camp. She's the only person who knows what we do there and understands my fitness & my goals. I'm so thankful for her.

Matthew & Scarlett still love swimming. A new session starts next week & both of their teachers said they could move up to the next class. If they don't do ok, I'll move them back down, but I'm really hoping this works out. I won't have to get in the water with Scarlett, but since Matthew can move up too, they won't be in the same class (even though they'll still meet at the same time). Since yesterday was their last class they each got to go down the big waterslide. They LOVED it - both of them said "I want to do that again" as soon as they got off.

Scarlett is almost potty trained. I'm washing diapers once/week now and I'm only doing that because I think it's gross to go more than that. She's only wearing one at night so it's not a big load.

Step-niece / baby update....the baby is still *mostly* non-responsive. She's opened her eyes a few times and has some startle reactions, but she doesn't/can't suck or cry. They've put a feeding tube in her stomach & done some surgery to close off her esophagus from her tummy so that she doesn't have reflux (she was having problems choking on it). They're just waiting on her to gain some weight before they let her go home. They finally said that she suffered a stroke in utero, she has some brain damage, and she will more than likely get worse, not better, but *sometimes* babies can regenerate brain cells so there is hope. Thanks for all the prayers & good thoughts. I'm afraid they have a long road ahead of them and it's full of unknowns.