what the heck?

So, my mother-in-law was supposed to fly in today for a visit. This trip has been scheduled for over a month now - it was going to be her chance to meet Scarlett and spend some time with Matthew. We were lucky enough with our due date that my mom was out of school so her schedule is extremely flexible so we asked her to come and see about Matthew while I was in the hospital. I also wanted her to stay for a while afterwards until things were pretty smooth, just to keep me from being stressed out. We decided that she & my dad would come up, then he would go home & she would stay for a little longer, then she & I would take Matthew & Scarlett to visit/meet family in GA, then David would come down & he & I would go to TN to visit/meet more family. Complicated yes, but not terrible.

So apparently David's mom has NOW decided it hurts her feelings that we didn't ask for her help immediately. I don't know, but doesn't it just make sense that when my mom doesn't have to work and can come up at a moment's notice, not to mention, she's my mom and women are almost always going to feel more comfortable with their own mom than with their husband's mom, anyway, doesn't it just make sense that I would ask for my mom's help? I won't even get into how much she hurt my/our feelings when Matthew was born, and how stressful it was to have her here, but yes, that also factored into our decision to ask her to come in July instead of immediately.

So here we are, last night David gets email from his mom telling him she's not coming, even though we've been planning for OVER a month for her to be here. Yes, my mom is still here and will be until I feel ready for her to go home, but she's made plans to do things away from our house for a couple of days to give my mother-in-law some time with us alone. Anyway, this time isn't about me, or David, or my mom, it's about Matthew & Scarlett. But apparently my mother-in-law thinks it is only about HER, because she has decided to cancel her trip. She told David a couple of days ago that she doesn't "feel needed". well boo hoo. He got upset over it and they discussed it, but then last night she emailed him that she was cancelling the trip due to "the heightened security she doesn't feel safe flying". We all know that's a load of crap...she's mad because we chose to have my parents come help instead of asking for her help so she's making up excuses. I think she probably expected us to beg her to come, but she should know us better than that.

So anyway, I'm mad about this only because I think about how this must make David feel. He's a man so I'm not sure he's being completely honest about his feelings and when I think about how I'd feel if MY parents treated me like this....

I also feel sorry for her because ultimately she's hurting herself the most. She's not going to see her first granddaughter for almost 2 months, she's not going to realize what an absolute joy her second grandson is. I know they are my children, but Scarlett is so precious already, and Matthew is just amazing...he's such a loving little boy and so much fun at this age (ok, I keep saying that at every "age"), and here she is passing up the opportunity to spend time with them. She is truly missing out.

It also pisses me off because of all the stress I felt about making sure we were "home and settled" before she got here. Not that that part really matters, but it just annoys me even more.

There are so many problems in the past and I have really worked to have a good relationship with her, I have struggled after the incidents when Matthew was born, but I thought I was doing ok. Now I just don't think I can ever get over it all. Still, it's not about me and I will try for my children's and husband's sakes to have a good relationship with her.