cuh-razy dream

We went camping last weekend and I keep meaning to blog about our trip but life's getting in the way. Instead today I'm going to retell the crazy dream I had last night.

Started out in a waiting room at a doctor's office. They call me back but instead of the room they took me to being a normal exam room, it was a medium size room with chairs set up all around the walls. There were 2 other girls in there, Mellissa, who I went to school from 5th-12th grades with, and Tonya, who I knew from a student organization at Georgia Tech. Haven't seen or talked to either of them in at least 10 years. I sit down & chat with them, then Doctor B comes in. We chat & it's all good.

Then, in walks Preacher S, who was the preacher at the church I grew up in from the time I was 9 until a few years ago. He now lives just down the dirt road from my family back home and is like a member of the family, but certainly not close enough to be at my gyno's office with me!

More chatting, then he leaves (thank goodness!). Dr. B says if I'm ready for my exam she will leave so I can undress. She leaves but Mellissa & Tonya stay. And don't forget, there's nothing but chairs in the room. There's also no hospital gown or sheet or anything to cover up with. Oh well...I tell the other girls "I hope y'all don't mind seeing my ass today", then I strip and kinda lay in one chair with my knees up over the armrest & my feet in the next chair.

Then I wake up. WTF? Those of you who know me know I'd never put my bare ass in a chair that there's no telling WHO ELSE sat in!

Anyone out there interpret this sort of thing?

don't be negative

This whole weight loss thing isn't working too well.  I think I hit this weight & my body is comfortable.  I've plateaued here before, and pretty much decided I felt comfortable enough *here* to just maintain.  I did a good job of maintaining at this weight, until I moved to Michigan, went off bcps, quit exercising in the winter, got pregnant, got pregnant again, etc.  So here I am, weighing almost exactly what I weighed 5 years ago, and unhappy about it.  But dieting alone isn't working.  Dieting & exercising 2-3 times a week isn't working.  I know it isn't my workouts...I'm burning anywhere from 700-1100 calories per workout (depending on which workout).  That 1100 calories a workout is about what I was supposed to be eating per day on WW.  What's my problem?  Why can't I get past this hump?   I think the only thing I can do reasonably is exercise more.    I hate exercising at night.  I get all wound up and have trouble sleeping.  But I also hate getting up early in the mornings.  So I have to pick.  I'm going to exercise 6 days a week, some days going to the gym in the early evening, other days I'll go for a run after the kids are in bed.  And my Saturday morning favorite...boot camp.  For me to run, I have to have a goal.  I like running, I really do, but I'm competitive and I need something to motivate me.  I've decided I'm going to train for a marathon.    I know, I know...that's a HUGE commitment & it takes a lot of time.  I'm willing.  Yes, the most I've done in the past was a 10k, and I know there's a huge difference in a 10k and a marathon.  20 miles different.  I know.  But I believe in myself & I know I can do it.  The Atlanta Track Club always hands out a "10k to marathon" training program after the Peachtree Road Race.  Surely I can find something like that online.  And I have my training info from the 10k's I've done in the past.  I'm planning to go for a run Thursday to see where I'm at, then I'll set a goal for a 10k.  Because frankly, I don't think I could go out & run a 10k right now.   Maybe a 5k, but not a 10.  Once I set a goal for the 10k, I'll take a look at the calendar and set a goal for a marathon.  I'll do other things in between, but I need to have that final goal set.    Anyway, the point of my post is that tonight I was discussing my plan with my boot camp teacher after my step class.  This guy in the class that I don't even KNOW comes up and is like "have you ever run before?"  "You know that's hard on your body, right?"  "Have you seen marathon runners.  They don't have any extra weight."  I kinda took that last remark as a subtle way of saying "there's no way your fat ass is running a marathon."  Whatever dude.  Didn't your momma teach you if you don't have something nice to say to just keep your fucking mouth shut?!?!  Bite me!   Oh yeah, I've written this post with one contact lens floating around in my eye.  Remind me there's a reason I don't usually shower with them in.  Ouchie.  Ready for David to be home so he can help me fish it out!

finally friday

I really hate to complain, but this has been one of the longest weeks I can remember.  I think Matthew & Scarlett have a bad case of spring fever or something because they are totally uncooperative it feels like all day every day.  Oh wait, maybe that's called being 3 and almost 2.  I have been trying to get them outside as much as possible since I know how much they enjoy it and the weather has been beautiful.   The other day David took them to the park and Matthew insisted on pulling the wagon all the way home (except when crossing the kinda busy street where the light is barely long enough to get across the street...David pulled it there.)  He even pulled it up a long and steep hill that seriously, when I pull the wagon up that hill, I get tired.  And yes, Scarlett was in the wagon!   This weekend we are planning to find a campsite somewhere & camp.  We had such a nice trip last fall and again, the weather is beautiful.  We *might* go west and try to go to the sand dunes.  It's something I've wanted to do since we moved to Michigan and now that we might be moving I need to start crossing those things off my list.  Kind of a bucket list but just a moving list, huh?

I what?

Yesterday I was sick and at some point when Matthew asked me to play football I told him no because "I feel like poop." Last night when they sat down to eat supper and I walked in with Scarlett's bib, he looked up at me and said "mommy you smell like poop." David & I were both kind of astonished and then I remembered saying I felt like poop earlier so I think he was just confusing his senses. Rest assured I did not smell like poop!

Last night's Idol wasn't nearly as exciting as I hoped it would be. I actually thought Kris outsang Adam last night but over the whole season Adam has been the best. I don't vote so I can't say what goes through the minds of people who do vote. Do they take the whole season into account or just the current week? I dunno. I do think Kris has a slight advantage because I think people who liked Danny and still want to vote will prefer Kris over Adam. Either way, I don't think winning makes a difference. If Clay Aiken didn't prove that, Chris Daughtry did.

a little venting, a little idol

I'm just gonna do the Idol part first because that's the easy part. I think it's time for Danny to go. I like him, I really do, but he's been around long enough. Kris was AMAZING last night - to me he was better than Adam, last night. Funny how things change - I was ready for him to go home 2 months ago. He has shown so much improvement through the course of the season, and I don't think Danny has. Not that it's about improving, it's about talent, but let's face it, all 3 of these guys can be successful recording artists. I just think Kris & Adam are the top 2 at this point.

David & I are geeks and we keep a spreadsheet where we give each Idol a 1-10 each week. Not ranking, just rating. Kris had some making up to do, since I really didn't like him early on, but last night he took the lead over Danny. Adam still leads the pack though, easily. Tonight's show will have me on the edge of my seat.

Now for the venting. I don't care if you're a working mom or a stay at home mom, but I hate it when you get defensive about your choice. I have one friend who works and I honestly think she is incredibly guilt ridden about it. She is constantly making comments that put down stay at home moms like "I want to show my daughter she can have it all." It could be my own guilt but these remarks always strike a chord with me, like she's judging me for not working. I really do not care what choice an individual makes, as long as that person tries to do what is best for their child and family. I know moms who work because they have to financially, I know moms who work because they can't imagine staying home, I know moms who have creatively figured out ways to work from home to bring in the extra money their family needs. These choices are all fine. I know moms who would love to stay home but can't for whatever reason, and I feel badly for those moms, but I admire them for doing what they have to do. I know stay at home moms who love it. Great.

I'm often not one of them. Maybe that's my real problem with this friend - I no longer feel like I am "doing it all", as she seems to think she is. Really I think it's her tone. I feel terrible saying it, but there are days I really wish I wasn't staying home with the kids. I had it GREAT when I was working. I often said (and still believe) that I had the best of both worlds. I worked part time, arranging my hours so that I worked 3 days/week and had the kids home with me the other 2 days. I *loved* it. I also loved that I worked from home, so I didn't have to stress about the logistics of getting me & them ready for the day. I could start my day in my jammies if I needed to. I loved that my hours allowed me time to go to the gym while they were at daycare. I loved our daycare, and hated taking Matthew out when I lost my contract. I felt there were things he got there that he would not get at home. Unfortunately, in this economy and especially where we live (do you know unemployment in Detroit is 24%?!?!) there aren't part time jobs out there that would pay enough to cover my daycare costs. Sure, I could find some in home daycare (and don't get me wrong, I think some of those are wonderful) that would be cheaper than our other daycare, but I wouldn't. If I'm sending them to daycare I want them to be in the one they were in. I would need to earn $20/hour to just pay for daycare, not including any other costs. Not gonna happen.

If this move happens then maybe I will have that option - to work part time and be with the kids part time, but for now I'll continue to stay home with the kiddos & make the best of it. When they reach school age then I'll figure out what I really want to do and pursue that. I won't return to the field I was in because I still won't travel like I was. Hopefully in the next few months we'll come to a decision about our move and I won't need to think about it.

Until then, I'll continue to be annoyed when this friend makes remarks, even if that isn't her intent. I'll roll my eyes and assume she's just trying to allay her own guilt. I'll wonder if I'm not showing Scarlett the best possible example. And then I'll remind myself that as long as I am the best mommy I can be, I don't need to worry about Scarlett or Matthew - they'll be just fine!

such a sweetie

Scarlett is definitely my wild child but she's also so sweet. She is great about giving hugs and kisses, especially at naptime and bedtime. Lately she's also been requiring us to kiss her babies. Whatever doll or animal she grabs to take upstairs for nap, we have to kiss it before she will kiss us. For naps I usually take her & Matthew upstairs together. He goes down first, so she goes in his room with me & kisses him. She will tell him without any prompting "nite nite bru-ur, i uh oo". She usually only tells David or me "I uh oo" if we say it to her, and not consistently then. But almost every day at naptime, she tells Matthew. melt

idol thoughts

A lot of people won't like my thoughts here but last night Danny was awful.  Overall I think he has done well enough that he won't be sent home tonight though - he has a LOT of fans out there.  I thought Allison was bad in her solo but really great in her duet with Adam.  I thought Kris was not too good either and I think he's in danger tonight.  Allison or Kris...buh-bye.  Adam, well, Adam is by far the most talented performer in the competition - has been since Day 1 I think.

beautiful weekend

The weekend started off on a good note because we had tickets for the Red Wings game. Game 1 of the Conference Semifinals - it's Duck season in Detroit. It was a great game and the Wings won with ~49 seconds left. We got the tickets Thursday & our regular sitter told us she was available, then called me Friday morning to say she wasn't. So Aunt Ba-eff and Unc-a G watched the kiddos for us. I bribed them with Wii, pizza, and brownies. I worried a little about how Miss Scarlett would do at bedtime, but they reported that she did great. Both kids went down without a peep. Imagine my surprise when David & went up to bed and peeked in on the kids (like we always do when we go to bed) and found Scarlett like this:


In case you're wondering, she's wearing a blue sleep sack and all you can see of her is the lower half of her body in the sleep sack. Arms & head...under the bed. So um yeah, I think I'd stay quiet too if that's how I was put to bed.

Saturday we went to a Bronco car show/swap meet type thing. The good thing about this was that David drove the Bronco - 70 miles round trip, and it made it the whole way without me having to tow him! This is good, this is very good. He also met a lot of people who know a lot about these early Broncos and gave him things to do to try to make it run.

Sunday was a lazy day around the house - we grilled ribs for dinner and ate on the deck. The kiddos behaved but I will enjoy the yard a lot more when we get the fence up.

Today was weigh-in day. I've lost 6 lbs in the first week low-carbing. I will only low-carb for a month, although now it's tempting to say I'll see where I am at the end of that month. I'm too close to goal to get frustrated again. I definitely am not hungry now, but something is wrong with not being able to eat fruit when I want it.