pregnancy update

So I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy and have some cruddy cough that is making me feel horrible. My doctor had mentioned scheduling an induction for tomorrow but I told her at my appointment today I just feel too rotten to go through that. I would rather wait until I feel better. She agreed and wants me to go in Thursday for some tests, just to make sure the baby's doing ok. She said if I'm feeling better and would rather be induced Thursday or Friday I can do that too - just call & let her know. So for now we're just taking a "wait & see" approach. If the crud isn't gone by the end of the week, I'll have the tests done & then we'll decide from there She checked me today and I've only dilated another 0.5 cm to 1.5 cm. I feel like that is nature's way of telling me to get better before the baby comes, right? My doctor also won't let me stay pregnant past July 4, so hopefully I'll feel better soon. Of course I could just go into labor on my own, but somehow I don't expect that. I also lost 1 lb since my last appointment so I'm 12 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight.

Happy Anniversary

Today marks 10 wonderful years being married to my best friend. In mid October we booked a flight to Hawaii for this week to celebrate our anniversary. We honeymooned there and decided we would try to return every 5th anniversary. We were able to return at 5 years and planned to this year, but less than a month after booking the flight we found out I was pregnant. So needless to say we cancelled the flight :( While I am sad that we aren't spending our anniversary in Hawaii, it is for a good reason and I am happy for that.

To celebrate we were planning to go out to dinner (with Matthew too) but then I decided I would rather just get take out and eat at home. Matthew wasn't fond of our spicy Thai food, so he got leftovers instead. Other than not having to cook and clean up afterwards, it was pretty much a normal night. Truth be told I think those are the happiest moments. :)

is it just me?

Is it just me or is my MIL a real bitch? Yeah, I just need a place to vent! Here's an IM convo with her from earlier today:

HER: How are you? I assume that if you are on line, we don't have a new baby.
ME: do you think we would have a baby and not call?
HER: Not always sure, when you have grown sons information doesn't always get passed on too well. Matthew was in school a month before I knew it.

I know for a fact he wasn't in daycare a month before she knew it because she visited us less than a month after he started. I am pretty sure I talked to her his first day there! She is just a bitch, plain & simple!

Pregnancy Update

I had an appointment this morning. The doctor said I'm at 1cm, really soft, and possibly will go this week. I remember hearing that often with Matthew too - LOL! We talked more about inducing but decided we would discuss it in more detail at next week's appointment. I still have the cold/cough that makes me feel terrible and she told me to stop trying to fight it and take some sudafed. Sudafed makes me sleepy though, so I hate taking it, and I'm hesitant to take any meds while pregnant. I know they have been approved for use, but I am not real big on taking medicine anytime, especially pregnant.

I also remembered to talk to my doctor about my questions IF I am induced and she has to break my water. That was by far the worst part of the labor & delivery with Matthew. She said that it all depends on how the baby, uterus, and cervix are positioned and that it just happened to be at a bad angle when I was in labor with him. She said that she could have easily broken my water today so she doesn't expect it to be a problem. That makes me feel like maybe if I am induced I could still avoid pain meds, but I still don't like the feeling that I have a deadline (because of MIL's visit and my desire to be home & settled in before she gets here).

On one hand I wish the baby would just hurry up and come on her own, but on the other hand I am so not ready. I am not ready for Matthew to be a big brother - I'm not ready to give up our special times. I'm enjoying being pregnant and I'm not ready for that to end. I haven't bought newborn diapers (I only have size 4s!) yet and my house isn't clean enough for company, so I'm just not prepared! I know it is inevitable, she's coming whether I'm ready or not, but maybe not too soon!

Being sick and pregnant sucks

I don't know what's wrong with me but I am miserable. Pregnancy-wise I feel great, but I have this cold/cough thing going on that is kicking my butt. It really really hurts to cough, and of course the baby puts so much pressure on my bladder that I need to squeeze really hard or I will pee at the same time I cough. Gross, huh?

Frustrated

We found out yesterday that my mother in law has booked a flight for early July to come visit. ARGH! She was kind of invited, but not for specific dates - and when she asked about July 4, I said we might not even have a baby by then. After all, Matthew was born a week after his due date and I was induced. July 5 will be one week after my due date, and I really don't want to be induced this time. I am so pissed. I really would have expected her to clear the date with us before she bought the ticket but no, she can't even be that considerate.

A little history - she was here when I was induced with Matthew and really annoyed me. It wasn't just that she was annoying, she was a bitch. I have tried really hard to get past that but it still hurts that David & I were left feeling the way we felt after she left. We had enough to deal with being new parents, we didn't need to be dealing with her issues as well. We discussed it then and said we did not want her here when our next child was born. And low and behold, what does she do but book a ticket to possibly be here.

One problem is that we don't know exactly when the baby will be born, but still....all I wanted was for her to come later in the month. The doctor won't let me go past 42 weeks anyway, so mid to late July would have been perfect. Now I feel this pressure that to avoid the MIL drama we had when Matthew was born, I need to be induced. And I really don't want to do that! I feel like it is better for the baby to let her come when she is ready, I want to try an all natural labor (and introducing drugs to start an induction is not natural, plus the pain is supposedly worse when induced so it is more likely I would want pain relief), and I want the experience, ya know? I know we could tell MIL to change her flight, but that would really piss her off and she becomes a real pain to deal with when she's pissed. Not that any of this should be about her, but somehow she finds a way to make it about her. I am tired of her not having more respect for David, I don't care how she treats me, but David is her son! I also hate feeling like he's in the middle of this - I know he was hurt and angered by the way she acted before, so I know he agrees he does not want her here this time, but it is still difficult on him. More so than on me...

Another thing is that my parents will most likely be here then too. I was hoping she would not come until after they went home. Yeah, I feel a little bad that I WANT my parents here and not her, but when Matthew was born, MY parents were a HUGE help....they grocery shopped, they cooked, they cleaned, they did laundry, they encouraged me to sleep whenever I could...you get the picture. SHE on the other hand got pissed because I held Matthew instead of letting her hold him, I let my younger sister change a diaper (when my sister jumped up & said "I'll change him") and she never changed one....HELLO! All she had to do was say she wanted to! It is like she just didn't "get" that I needed to bond with Matthew and I needed her support. Not to mention we had some struggles breastfeeding and she offered no encouragement. I get upset thinking about it all, and this is just bringing it all up again.

I feel guilty though, that I want my parents here and don't want David's mom here. Why should I feel guilty about that, when she acted the way she did? Am I wrong to want an apology, or some acknowledgement from her that she didn't play nice? I know I'm living in a fantasy land - she's not the type to admit she was wrong.

Anyway, on another note, I had a check up yesterday. I had gained 1-1/2 lbs since my last appointment, 11-1/2 total (I think?). She didn't "check" me since I told her I haven't had any contractions and didn't think anything was going on. She said she would definitely check me next week, since she doesn't want me walking around at 5cm and not knowing it. We talked a little about inducing...she knew that I wanted to be induced with Matthew (but only because he was due so close to Christmas) and she said that most people with a toddler at home think it is easier to schedule an induction than to be surprised. I explained that I would rather avoid it this time, but we talked about a few dates anyway - she mentioned June 27 as a good date, so we'll keep that in mind. I guess with all the MIL crap at least if I decide to be induced so that we are all home & settled before her visit, it is good I know my doctor is willing.